The Fetish Sex Advisor column is intended as a place where singles and couples can find in-depth articles and anonymously submit their questions about how to maneuver the complexities of Fetish, Kink and D/s-BDSM sex and realtionships

 

As a sex-positive transpersonal therapist and guide over the last 15 years I have worked with hundreds of men, women and couples who sought support to be honest and empowered in who they are sexually. For many this meant learning to heal from the decades of fear, shame and judgments that held their authentic desire back, or kept it hidden in shadow. I have lived my personal life 24/7 as a lifestyle Dom since 1998. Rounding out my personal and professional experience in Kink, I also had a 10 year stint as one of the few male pro Dom’s in the lifestyle. I taught other’s how to consciously express their desires, be present and embodied and stay in integrity with their agreements. I am forever and always an advocate for honestly, consensually expressed sexuality. All of these experiences will be combined in this column to offer insight and guidance to those stepping into the exploration of their own Kink and Fetish desires.

 

I have been kinky and sexually aware since well before puberty. I know I am not alone in that regard. By 13 I knew I was into BDSM when I discovered magazines my brother-in-law kept in the bottom drawer of a bench in his garage. I was snooping around. When I opened the drawer I saw the cover of a mag with a pic of a young female, mousetraps clamped tightly on her nipples, her lips wrapped succulently around a rubber ball gag, looking into the camera, and right at me, in a most innocent way. It activated something in me that was there already, but beyond my imagination before that moment. This image was tapping into my true authentic Eros – awakening my Sex Creature as I sometimes call it! My first thought was, “Where can I find a girlfriend like this?”

 

I carried on that mission, to find my kindred soul mate in kink for over 30 years. – in secret! That is how long it took me to embrace and no longer hide what I had always been. I had always hoped I would find the woman of my dreams…and erotic fantasies, without having to say directly that is what I was seeking. I was shy and desperately afraid of what my potential partners, my family and community would think of my authentic sexual desire. My sex creature aspect, felt like a total alien within the Catholic culture I grew up in. I could never imagine that I would ever publicly acknowledge it. It seemed impossible. It was easier to hide and fantasize about what I desired than to proudly claim my true nature. That ended 15 years ago. Since then, I have been living a sexually liberated, fully public Kink lifestyle.

 

I believe that whatever anyone’s sexual truth is, when conducted in a conscious, negotiated, consensual way is entirely NORMAL! I hope this column will inspire those who read it to find their own path to sexual freedom, ecstasy, empowerment and healing.

 

I will offer no prescriptions for anyone to follow, just a basic map of the very intricate Erotic mindscape.

 

My desire is to support you to find your own path, your own truth and your own unique way of expressing your Kink yearnings.

 

My intention is to help you understand that your Kink is absolutely normal…for you!

 

The column will include articles on methods to enhance your connection physically, emotionally and psychologically to yourself and your partner(s). It will offer techniques to expand your sense of presence. There will be guides to help untangle the shames, anxieties, and internalized judgments we inevitably acquire, growing up in a sex-negative culture, that interfere with our pleasure of sexual expression.

 

The monthly postings will consist of in-depth examinations of the many aspects of Kink as it relates to one’s personal journey, as well as for couple’s in relationship. It will describe case studies from my client files and situations you will likely encounter on your own journey.

 

I will also respond to select questions that readers send in, that may have a general appeal. 

 

This column grew out of a stint I did as a featured columnist for a popular online men’s magazine. The column was originally published as “The Sex-Positive Male.”

 

I was happy to write about healthy, conscious male sexuality and relationships, but it ultimately became confining and intolerable. The editorial policies at the magazine were profoundly sex-negative in regards to Kink, so I ended the relationship.

 

While I am sex-positive and a male, my writings on Kink are primarily generalized, and can apply to anyone of any orientation or gender seeking to express their sexuality in a conscious healthy way.

 

That said, I am also a well experienced, lifestyle hetero dominant male and Erotic sadist. I will weave in that POV as well. I hope combined, these views can be supportive for new people just beginning to explore their kinks and those more experienced in the lifestyle, encountering their edges.

 

My natural skill set and personal lifestyle is as a hetero-normative, non-poly male. The hetero-normative perspective is a seldom heard, if not a taboo perspective within the burgeoning sex-positive community. I feel the het community is just beginning to awaken to the freedom to be as Kinky as they really are. So I intend to bring the het perspective into the conversation.

 

There are a pantheon of sexual identities and orientations now emerging on the sexual landscape that began in the early 1950’s. In the last 20 years the range of sexual expression and the boundaries of “normal,” have been blown off the charts. These pioneering groups emerging are leading the charge towards sexual freedom for everybody.

 

Having been part of this magnificently diverse Fetish community for over 15 years, I am confident we are all not so different. I feel the territory of conscious, negotiated, consensual, risk aware sexual expression and ecstatic engagement is very similar for any orientation. To the greatest extent what I write about or offer could apply to anyone.

 

I have spent these last 15 years exploring what I call the Erotic Wilderness area of Fetishsexuality. Sexuality has been the bastard of human personality for millennia. It has been left in the closet, the back-ally, and on the other side of the tracks. It has been left unexamined as an integral aspect of the human psyche by science, culture and religion.

 

I have explored my own nature and examined those of hundreds of my clients, as a therapist, in my Conscious D/s-BDSM workshops and more recently as a sex-researcher surveying the landscape of the symbolic, archetypal mythic Erotic story lines of Fetishexual desire (Take my popular “Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth” Kink Survey here – http://GalenFous.com/PEM ) . It is clear that human sexuality is emerging across the globe as the new frontier of human personality. There is no turning back. I am excited to be participating in this unprecedented era of sexual awakening.

 

My first column coming up is “Anatomy of a Personal Erotic Myth, Part 1” – a scintillating case study of a woman who braves her fears about her Kinky desires to embrace her Fetishsexual yearnings, become whole, and save her relationship with her reluctant partner.

Excerpt:

“It was incredibly empowering… to reveal the secret desires I had hidden away for decades. I finally met this young girl who has been with me, in my fantasies or mythic desire, as you call it, in nearly every orgasm throughout my life…I felt so enlivened, so awakened by the experience.”    

Visit the Fetish Sex Advisor column at http://www.galenfous.com/fetish-sex-advisor/

 

To submit a question or suggest a magazine or blog interested in carrying the Fetish Sex Advisor send to: Galen@GalenFous.com

 

Want to learn more about your core sexual fantasies? Take the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey here.