The Research
Background of the PEM
The original Discover Your PEM was an independent research survey that I converted to an IRB approved sex research survey in 2022. The survey was designed to gather data on the prevalence and nature of sexual fantasy, sexual authenticity, sexual inhibition, the impacts of shame, fear and trauma and more. The survey is now closed and the data is being used for various peer-reviewed sex research papers my team and I are working on.
Drawn from my sex research insights and experience working with hundreds of clients over 20 plus years, I developed the theoretical model of Personal Erotic Myth (PEM).
I view the PEM as an inherent psychological structure stored within the sexual unconscious that for some, is foundational to their sexual inclinations, fantasies and sexual interests.
A PEM contains the essential who, what, where and how templates, that are the recurring elements and themes that weave together within someone’s sexual fantasies and desires.
A PEM influences the erotic types you are attracted to, the style and intensity of engagement and your personal frequency of desire.
The core elements of your PEM distinguish what turns you on from what does not. These elements are activated through arousal from fantasizing, self-pleasure or partnered sex.
They operate as creative autonomous sexual personas that fuel your arousal with their imaginal sexual scenarios. They are fluid and spontaneous characters rather than rigid or fixed. They are personal and distinct to you. You ARE born this way!
The PEM is like a zip file, stored in the sexual unconscious. It contains tera-bytes of content that can include all the elements of a mythic erotic story – archetypal sexual personas, counterpart personas, history, arousing dialogue, erotic body-language, props or implements of all sorts, particular attire, setting, emotional intensities, symbolic actions and all manner of detail.
Some of these core elements possess primal dimensions that may stretch deep down into the instinctual layers of our psychological structures inherent from our mammalian (hot-blooded, alpha/beta pecking order – dominance and submission) ancestry and reptilian (cold-blooded, predator/prey – sadist/masochist) phases of our biological and psychological heritage. These wilder, primitive aspects of human biology/psychology often show up in the sexual fantasy myths, archetypal personas and primal physical expressions related to Fetish, Kink, and D/s-BDSM sexual expression.
Some people are quite aware of their PEM. They may have caught glimpses of it, or more, well before puberty, even if they have yet to share it with another. Some may have already crossed the threshold of secrecy their sexual desire may have been held in, and are actively engaging their desires with a partner or partners. Some will have PEM’s that ebb, flow, evolve or shift throughout their sex life, or someone may have several distinct PEM’s. For many others, it is still an unconscious but compelling force, just below acknowledged awareness, that drives their sexual desire.
But during sex, in the moments right before orgasm, a profound shift can occur. I believe those blasphemies and primitive groans expressed just before orgasm are often just a “sound byte” from one’s PEM. The PEM is like a zip file, stored in the unconscious. It contains hours of content, that includes all the elements of a mythic erotic story, archetypal personas, counterpart personas, setting, history, attire, dialogue, body language, and props, among other things.
People knowing their PEM, and having the tools to communicate that honestly, may be able to create stronger bonds in their overall relationships, as well as a fulfilled and well-expressed sexuality. Therefore, understanding their PEM survey can help people learn to communicate their sexual desires more honestly and have better understanding of themselves to find compatible partners for their long term relationships.